Identifying Grooming Behaviors in Ministry Settings

Essential Guide for Protecting Children in Your Care

Leaders in children’s ministry have a responsibility to create a safe and nurturing environment for minors in the ministry’s care. Grooming is a manipulative process used by predators to gain the trust of children to exploit them. By educating staff and volunteers about grooming behaviors and implementing effective prevention strategies, ministries can better protect the children they serve.

What is Grooming?

Grooming is a deliberate process whereby a predator builds a relationship with a child and often their family to prepare the child for abuse. This behavior often involves a series of manipulative tactics to establish trust, emotional connection, and secrecy. Grooming can occur in various environments, including youth ministries, schools, scouting, sports teams, churches, and youth programs. It can also occur via social media and other online platforms and within families.

Common Signs of Grooming Behavior

1. Excessive Interest, Attention, and Affection

Predators often shower children with attention and affection to create a bond. This can manifest as:

• Compliments and gifts −  Giving preference or offering gifts, praise, or special privileges or attention to the child.
• Physical affection − Unusual physical contact, such as hugs or touches that may seem inappropriate for the context.

2. Isolation from Peers and Family

Groomers may attempt to isolate the child from their support network. Signs include:

• Encouraging secrecy − Asking the child to keep secrets from parents or friends, often under the guise of special relationships. (e.g., “If you tell anyone, we could both get in trouble,” or “If you say anything, something bad will happen to your family.”)
• Limiting social interactions − Discouraging the child from spending time with their peers or family members.
• Private one-on-one outings − Inviting the child to “special” private excursions such as going to a movie theater, private backyard swim, amusement park, camping, and other overnight events that include no others. 

3. Manipulation of Boundaries

Predators often test and push boundaries to see how far they can go. This can include:

• Attempting to make their behavior seem innocent, normal, and natural − For example, inviting the minor to the pool, gym, or camping to create the opportunity to undress and/or shower together.  
• Inappropriate conversations − Gradually introducing inappropriate topics, discussing the child’s physical development, discussing sexual or otherwise personal matters, or using sexual language that is not age-appropriate.
• Desensitization to touch − Abusers often begin by touching their victim in a seemingly normal way that could initially appear harmless (hugging, wrestling, tickling, etc.) before they escalate to increasingly intimate contact (applying rub-on sunscreen, full-blown massage, sharing a bed or sleeping bag and intimate touching of body parts.)

4. Excessive Communication

Groomers may seek to establish frequent communication with the child that bypasses the parent/guardian, often through:

• Texting or direct messaging − Using social media or messaging apps to maintain contact, especially apps with disappearing messaging.
• Private conversations − Seeking opportunities for one-on-one interactions, often away from the eyes of other adults.

5. Creating a Sense of Dependency

Predators may position themselves as the child’s confidant or protector, leading to:

• Emotional manipulation − Making the child feel special or unique, fostering a sense of dependency.
• Offering support − Providing help or support that makes the child feel indebted or loyal. (e.g., “Trust me… I’ve been through the same thing; nobody else will understand you like me.”)

6. Exploitation of Vulnerabilities

Groomers often target children who may be vulnerable due to:

• Low self-esteem − Children with low self-esteem may be more susceptible to grooming, as they may seek validation and approval from adults.
• Targeting emotional needs − Predators may identify and exploit a child’s emotional needs, such as loneliness or a desire for attention, to create a bond. They often target children from broken or dysfunctional families.
• Offering solutions − Providing seemingly helpful advice or support to address the child’s problems, which can create a false sense of security.

How to Protect Children from Grooming

Protecting children from groomers in a ministry environment requires proactive measures to create a safe and accountable space. Here are some steps that can help:

1. Conduct Comprehensive Background Checks

Conduct thorough background checks on all volunteers, staff, and leaders, especially those working in positions of high trust (ministry leaders, financial, and working with children). This includes an application, ID verification, interview, background reference checks, criminal history check, and national sex offender registry check.  

2. Implement Mandatory Training

Provide mandatory training for all staff and volunteers on child safety and protection protocols, child abuse recognition and identification, child abuse reporting procedures, recognizing grooming behaviors, appropriate boundaries, and reporting suspicious behavior.

3. Enforce Clear Policies and Guidelines

Establish clear child protection policies, including codes of conduct that outline appropriate and inappropriate talk, touch, behavior, and other boundary expectations. As part of the worker’s onboarding or training process, require that all staff and volunteers sign an acknowledgment that they have received, read, and understand these policies and guidelines and that they agree to fully adhere to them. 

4. Adopt the Two-Adult Rule

Ensure that no adult is ever left alone with a child. Implement a “two-adult” rule, where at least two screened, trained, and unrelated adults are present when interacting with children. This is not only for the protection of children by removing any opportunity for a predator to be alone with a child, but also for the protection of the adult by providing a second adult who can attest that the other adult never had the place or opportunity to be inappropriate with a child (in case a child makes a false allegation). Workers who are related to one another should not be assigned to work in the same classroom together to reduce the likelihood of any conflict as a result of a witness having to testify against or lie for a family member. 

5. Ensure Clear Visibility

Where rooms have windows and/or doors with windows, maintain a policy mandating clear, open visibility at all times (except in an emergency) so that anybody passing by can see into the room, thereby affording no privacy for those within the room. Just be sure that users have the ability to sufficiently cover all windows in the event of a lockdown situation.  

6. Supervise and Monitor Regularly

Have regular supervision and unannounced visits by ministry leaders to monitor interactions between adults and children and to ensure compliance with child protection protocols.

7. Establish Clear Reporting Mechanisms

Set up clear and confidential reporting procedures for both children and adults to report inappropriate behavior. Encourage open communication and make it known that all concerns will be taken seriously.

8. Develop a Safe Online Engagement Policy

If the ministry includes online interactions, establish guidelines for virtual meetings and other connections/communications to ensure open, appropriate, and safe communication channels and to prevent any one-on-one private messaging between children and adults.

9. Empower Children

Teach children about boundaries, appropriate touch, and how to speak up if they feel uncomfortable. This includes age-appropriate lessons on recognizing grooming behaviors and empowering minors to speak up if ever they feel unsafe.

10. Actively Involve Parents

Involve parents in ministry activities and keep them informed. Educate them about your ministry’s expectations of staff and volunteers who work with children so that parents, too, can be aware of safety procedures and recognize if protocols are breached. Encourage their participation in ministry events and foster a transparent environment where parents can voice concerns. Child protection is a mutual and collective concern and responsibility.

11. Respond Decisively and Take Swift Action

Take immediate and decisive action if grooming or abuse is suspected. Report to the appropriate authorities, follow up and ensure that child safety is given the highest priority. If you are unsure about a situation, err in favor of protecting the child. 

Building Safe Ministries by Recognizing Grooming Behaviors

Children’s ministry leaders and workers have a profound responsibility to protect the children entrusted to their care. Recognizing grooming behavior is essential for protecting children from potential predators and by understanding the signs and fostering open communication, administrators, ministry leaders, staff, volunteers, and parents can create a safe and nurturing environment where children can thrive. Building a culture of transparency, accountability, and respect is crucial to protecting children in a ministry setting, and together, all stakeholders can stand vigilant against the threat of predators to ensure that ministry to minors remains a place of love, support, and safety for every child.

For expert guidance, resources, and training on safeguarding children in your ministry, connect with Church HR Network to learn how we can support you in creating a secure environment for every child in your care.