Responding to Crisis Calls

On most days – whether weekday or Sunday morning – it’s probably just business as usual at your church. But what happens when your front office receptionist takes a call from someone struggling with loneliness and thoughts of self-harm? Or your Sunday prayer team volunteers just prayed with a congregant who shared about his broken family life, depression, and suicidal thoughts? Is your team equipped to respond to crisis calls?

Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds the resources for coping with pain. In moments of crisis, providing effective and compassionate support can make a significant difference. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all response for dealing with someone expressing suicidal ideology. Appropriate responses may range from simply referring the person to supportive services to calling 9-1-1, depending on a myriad of circumstances including the person’s emotional state in the moment, their relationship with the Church and staff, the immediacy of their threats to harm themselves, their planning and access to methods to carry out their plan, the persons receptiveness to receiving help, availability of nearby family, friends, or other resources, and more.

This article is written to help you navigate these challenging conversations with calmness, empathy, and understanding. Whether you are an experienced professional or a lay person volunteering in your church, these principles will guide you in offering support to those in distress.

LISTEN WITH EMPATHY. Approach the conversation with empathy, non-judgment, and compassion. Acknowledge the person’s distress, affirming that you hear them and believe their feelings are real. Do not dismiss or minimize their feelings. Refer them to appropriate resources, whether internally (e.g., pastor, other ministry leader, professional counselor/therapist, etc.) or externally (suicide prevention/crisis hotline, mental health services, 9-1-1, etc.) to ensure they receive the help they need. Remember, your goal is not to “fix” the person or their problem or to guarantee immediate relief. Instead, focus on providing compassionate and caring support, even if you feel uncertain about the best course of action.

REMAIN CALM. Maintain your composure by taking deep breaths and not getting caught up in the intensity or emotion of the moment. Be yourself and let your voice, tenor, and tone demonstrate your care and concern. Motion or message someone else nearby if you need help during the call; you do not have to go it alone. Reassure the caller with supportive statements such as, “I’m not a trained professional, but I’d like to help,” or “Let’s see what we can do right now because you sound very upset.” Try to get their name so that you can address them by name, personalize the dialogue, and begin to build rapport. Try also to get their phone number so that you can call them back in case you get disconnected. Later, once you have built a rapport, try to get their address so that you will know where to send help if that becomes necessary.

EMPATHIZE WITH THE CALLER. Show a genuine effort to listen and understand the caller’s feelings and situation. This can help them feel less isolated and fearful, and it may provide a sense of hope. Be patient, non-judgmental, and accepting. Do not engage in arguments, problem-solving, advice-giving, minimizing, trivializing, belittling, or other behaviors that may cause the person to feel that they need to justify how they feel. A person’s suicidal ideology is about how bad they feel; not how bad their problem really is. Attempt to build rapport and establish a meaningful connection with the person; this can be powerful and comforting during a crisis.

ACTIVELY LISTEN AND ASK QUESTIONS. Engage in active listening and allow the person to unload despair and ventilate anger. Use reflective statements to demonstrate that you are listening, hearing, and understanding what the person has to say. Reflect feelings rather than content:

• Example 1: Caller – “When my husband told me he was leaving me, I couldn’t believe it… I didn’t know what to do.” You – “It sounds like you were in shock.”  
• Example 2: Caller – “When I saw him in that hospital bed all broken, I just couldn’t take it. I ran out of the room.” You – “I’m hearing that you were overwhelmed in that situation. Is that right?”

Use genuine affirmations to build rapport and demonstrate empathy:

• Example 1: “I can see how hard it is for you to talk about this.”
• Example 2: “It takes strength to endure what you have experienced.”
• Example 3: “You’re trying hard to take care of yourself and get through this.”

Do not be afraid to ask direct questions like, “Are you thinking of ending your life?” You will not be “putting ideas in their head.” You are doing a good thing by engaging with them in a difficult conversation, showing that you are concerned, that you are taking them seriously, and that it is okay that they share their pain with you. If the caller has express that they are thinking of ending their life, ask them “Have you thought about how you would do it?”, “Do you have the means to do so right now?”, and “Have you thought about when you would do it.”

If they have ingested medications, illicit drugs, alcohol, and/or or poison, try to learn what they ingested, when, and how much, and when they last ate. If necessary, quietly coordinate with a co-worker (email, text, note, etc.) to call 9-1-1 or consult with emergency services while you stay on the phone with the caller.

MAKE REFERRALS. Provide information about available mental health resources and other support services. Ask if there is a friend or family member you can contact on their behalf. Offer the option for them to come into the church to speak with a pastor. If the person is an immediate threat to themselves or to others, or if you are just unsure about what to do, have someone else call 9-1-1 with any information that you have been able to gather (including the presence of a firearm or other weapons) while you remain on the line engaged with the caller. Do not tell the caller that you are contacting the authorities.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND EACH OTHER. After all is said and done, remember to exercise self-care. Unusually disturbing events like crisis calls are distressing, emotional, and traumatic, and they exact a toll upon those who are involved. A debriefing is a good opportunity for those involved to identify what went right and what went wrong, to celebrate successes and to identify lessons to be learned, and to reflect upon and recover from the event.

By adhering to these guidelines, you can offer supportive and compassionate assistance to individuals in crisis, helping to connect them with the vital resources they need, while also taking care of yourself and your team. Consider seeking professional guidance from your local mental health services experts for more information and training for you and your team to help ensure that you are prepared to respond appropriately to people in crisis.